The Beer Machine

In 1987 all the UNOLS ships went dry. What that means is before that date you could buy and legally consume an unlimited amount of beer, booze, or wine aboard one of these ships. I know because I did and I had lots of help. You bought your beer from the ship's steward anytime and the Captain had “slop chest” open once a trip. This was for crew only and usually took place on the day after we left port and we were clear of U.S. taxes.

This was the early eighties and we would get a case of Bud for 6 bucks. A bottle of Appleton’s rum from the Captain was 4 dollars. Cigarettes were equally as cheap. Maybe 8 bucks a carton. None of this goes on any more, not even the cigarettes. They want us all to be healthy, happy sailors. Now a days some drinking still goes on but it is very much in the closet. You could loose you job over it.

On the Atlantis II one deck above the main lab was the beer machine. It was a regular 6-hole coke machine but had three soda and three beer selections. The steward was always trying to save money and one place he cut corners was beer. Not being a beer drinker himself he saw nothing wrong with stocking the machine with the likes of “Red, White and Blue” or “Dixie”; real bilge wash. That was OK for the masses but Jon and I were beer snobs. Life was too short to drink that crap.

While in San Diego, my old stomping grounds, I rented a Chevy Chevette for 19 dollars a day. This thing was tiny. No one wanted to ride in the back seat. It could hold one adult. Jon and I took it to the Liquor Warehouse, A cavernous place in Imperial Beach with a world class selection of beer. We managed to load 30 cases of bottled beer in this little car. (No canned beer for us!) All the way back to the ship Jon had two cases on his lap. We felt every little bump as the suspension system on this little car was flattened right out.

The rooms on the ship are small. Two men live in about 200 square feet or less and it definitely is less when you put 15 cases of beer in there. We managed though. That stash lasted all summer. It came in handy while hunting the elusive grad student.

One great beer machine moment happened during the Titanic trip. After we settled in there were daily transfers from ship to ship. Lots of sailors wanted to come over and check out the AII but no one wanted to go over to the Navy ship. I mean, what for? After the sub went down the first boat load came over for a tour. There were about 25 enlisted men with one chief. We started to give the standard tour. As we moved forward in the ship I said “this is the main lab and up there is the beer machine”. “The what!!?” That was all they needed. I got the steward to sell them some quarters and the tour stopped there.

It took those Navy boys about an hour to empty that machine of beer. It was good timing because their chief came around to collect them for the ride back. There would be another boat load in 30 minutes. This was just enough time for the steward to reload the machine with beer. It was still early afternoon.

The next boat out was full to the brim with sailors. We gave them the standard schpiel, “this is the main lab”. “Yeah, yeah, where’s the beer machine?” they asked. I told them I would get the steward to sell them some coins. “We brought our own” I was told. Obviously the tour was ending here. As if on queue one of our more enterprising Alvin pilots started selling the boys mixed drinks with that rum I was talking about. A buck a pop. Alas after 2 hours of this these intrepid sailors had to head back to their own ship. Some were having trouble with simple navigation. The next group that came out brought along a Senior Chief who positioned himself at parade rest in front of the beer machine. That was the end of that party!